Before we start, a retraction. A few of you were kind enough to point out that I’d picked on ‘Sex And The City 2’ a little unfairly on at least one count. So, let it be known that there are, in fact, women in Abu Dhabi who wear designer Versace outfits underneath their Burkhas. Apologies to the makers of the film. But the rest of your film was still shit.

Now, I’m mature enough to own up to a mistake when I make one. I will always call a spade a spade. As a corollary, you can safely assume that I will not call a card that is not a spade a spade. For example, you will *never* see me buy the rights to a semi-popular Hollywood flick, take a gazillion creative liberties with it, add my own Ekta Kapoor-esque ending, and market it as an official remake… Unlike the makers of this film.

Oh, and speaking of marketing, I would also never do it by buying the rights to one of Elvis Presley’s biggest hits and sing it to bad Hindi lyrics. But that’s neither here nor there.